Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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