Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hippo gnu deer
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
