sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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