i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
