He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
