i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
