dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
