Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
