I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
