i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
