so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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