You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
