I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
