Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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