yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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