sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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