I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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