you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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