my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
