I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
