6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
