Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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