Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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