I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
