So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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