I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
