I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
