Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize