you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
