Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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