do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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