She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
