my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
