She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
