i would punch a child for taco bell
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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