Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
