I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize