nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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