All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The air was thick with penises
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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