Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
