chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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