How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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