Your dad touched me again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
