have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
