you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
