Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A+ Viking dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
