My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
