You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
