Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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