He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
